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 Drift Away (feedback)

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Zenith
Basement Recorder


Posts : 16
Join date : 2010-09-07
Age : 33
Location : Madrid, Spain

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PostSubject: Drift Away (feedback)   Drift Away (feedback) EmptyWed Sep 29, 2010 12:41 pm

would really appreciate some feedback on this verse please... for a track im recording in London soon... aint written to this type of music for a while now though... not sure about this verse...

Im in my grimy office... dressed in a suit and a tie (fall on the 5)
Day dreaming of the rap game and a beautiful life (fall on the 5)
I work with low life 9 to 5 slaves
I don’t wanna be them, Id rather lie in my grave
Now I don't do it to fund a habit cos the yayo kills
But I can't sit waiting for magic, I gotta pay those bills
as I'm sat at my desk with my company’s badge on my chest
I feel vexed cos I work with all these talentless wrecks,
Death,(Pause) I see it as I'm staring at the ceiling
no believing in this life so I start dreaming
Switch off, drift off to a better place
Live on stage with Meagan Fox checking out my serenade
And gettin paid, for that which I'm passionate about
Reading articles about me - the best rapper in the crowd
But as I open my eyes and they return to focus
I puke on my desk realising what I yearn fors hopeless
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Zenith
Basement Recorder


Posts : 16
Join date : 2010-09-07
Age : 33
Location : Madrid, Spain

Drift Away (feedback) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Drift Away (feedback)   Drift Away (feedback) EmptyWed Sep 29, 2010 12:42 pm

oh, ignore the shit in brackets
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Supreme
Admin
Supreme

Posts : 157
Join date : 2010-09-07
Age : 29
Location : Babylon

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PostSubject: Re: Drift Away (feedback)   Drift Away (feedback) EmptyWed Sep 29, 2010 5:19 pm

Shits nice, im feeling it, nice little twist at the end too.

Flows kool, vocabs kool, overall nice piece.

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Zenith
Basement Recorder


Posts : 16
Join date : 2010-09-07
Age : 33
Location : Madrid, Spain

Drift Away (feedback) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Drift Away (feedback)   Drift Away (feedback) EmptyThu Sep 30, 2010 9:57 am

cool... safe for taking the time to read, etc.

any more feedback?
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RyGar
Headphone Specialist
RyGar

Posts : 95
Join date : 2010-09-07

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PostSubject: Re: Drift Away (feedback)   Drift Away (feedback) EmptyThu Sep 30, 2010 1:15 pm

its got some nice emotion to it - not overly complicated - could be a nice track
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